Help Me Out Here
by Claire Scott

I am missing my reason for living
I thought I had it right here
in my pile of Important Things
but all I see is a grocery list
(scotch, canned soup, more scotch)
and pages of instructions
on how to set my clock back an hour
who cares
so here I am calling to you
from the bottom of a well
where I have been living for months
haunted by images of stealth,
moments of anger, flashes of failure,
drowning in a riptide of regret

But more and more memories are becoming illegible
fading like a Cheshire cat or invisible ink
which is OK by me since what
you don’t remember never happened
(or do memories still niggle at night)
did I really hit my child
cheat on my husband
not include tips on my taxes
fumbling toward forgiveness
no idea how it all works
help me out here
do I need to email the gods
or give money to World Wildlife
do I chant OM for endless hours
or buy a hair shirt from Amazon
and where is my reason for living
I am sure I had it right here
under the Turn Off alert from PG&E
and an unopened notice from the IRS
yet the future keeps showing up
and that’s the good news


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